Own It

Listen, no one can fix your problems except you. People can tell you what to do, where to go, who to talk to, and a million other things, but in the end, you're the only one who can decide what you do. No one can make you do anything. If you want your life to be better, then take the initiative that only you can take to make it better. It's not anyone else's job to take that initiative. They can't, and it's not fair to ask them to do that. People are not there to be tools used to mend your broken self. They're there to help you keep all the pieces in one place. Only you can put them back together. Only. You.

Own your life, because you can't sell it to anyone. Period.

Sentimentality

I feel like people are sometimes too sentimental. People for some reason feel the need to capture every second of their lives on film so they can remember it forever. Photos become priceless, souvenirs become revered. I just got home from a two week vacation with my family, and I took the least amount of pictures I've ever taken on a vacation. I figure, why worry about getting a picture of everything I see? There's plenty of pictures I would miss. I've begun to value memories over photographs. People are so upset when pictures are destroyed, but what they don't realize is they still have the memories that the picture was telling. I'm going to try to stop finding sentimental value in everything I come across. I'm too much of a pack rat, and I need to learn to let go.

On a second note, parents and technology that is familiar with my generation are really interesting when they interact. My mom has recently become addicted to Facebook, and she makes a big deal out of it. In fact, she was mad that I didn't want to be her friend on Facebook. It's a website! Get over it! People take the Internet way too seriously. Chill out, you're just looking at a bunch of pixels that people use to hide their insecurities.

One last note, I've finally realized that I am changing lives. I don't mean I'm just making people feel better about themselves. I mean, I've helped people start over. I've been carrying around a journal with me since January for anyone and everyone to write in. I had a couple of people from a table next to us in Los Angeles at breakfast write in it, and this is what the first guy, Bobby, wrote:

'In recent months I have become more and more of the person that I swore to
myself I would never become. I feel as if sorrow and depression are self
inflicted & this I've done to myself. In this book, I am starting anew.
Becoming the person I truly am; therefore, not quite becoming at all. I am just
letting go of everything I am not & leaving it on this page. I wish to
pursue a new life - happy and humble - in which I wake each day with eagerness
for the following hours. Thank you...whoever you are. This book has set me
free.'

I helped him out in a way I never imagined possible. I helped a total stranger who I had never met before in my life who is three years older than me. What's even more amazing, is anyone could have done this. But it was me.

Am I supposed to be something more?

This is me.

So, this is still blowing my mind. Tonight, I was told in a small group I'm in through my youth group that I look least like the typical person who was in the youth ministry. So...I had a unique look about me. It wasn't meant as an insult, and I didn't take it that way. It just blows my mind that my individuality actually shows through. I feel all the time like I'm stuck in the mold of rich, white kids, but I've realized I'm not. This is how I work.

I don't dress to impress. I dress in whatever way makes me feel comfortable and content with myself. If people don't like it, they can deal with it. I don't try to be something, I'm just me. And it's nice knowing that people notice that about me. I've struggled with becoming who I am now, and I think it's paid off.

Besides, the only labels that should exist are the ones on canned food.

Sunshine

It's a movie that has changed me. Yeah, it's kind of extreme for a movie, but it has. First, if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. It's so aesthetically pleasing.

Anyway, so this is how it's changed me. Normally, I love cloudy, rainy days, and hate sunny, clear days. It's hard to get past the soothing sounds of rain against the roof, and just hear the thunder roar. It always gives me chills. But somehow, Sunshine has managed to make me love the sun. I was walking toward the school's stadium to watch my friends' lacrosse game, and the sun was shining on my back, and it was one of those beautiful sunsets. And I found myself whispering, 'They did it.', to myself. I look at the sun, and I breathe. I feel alive. So now I love all weather basically. How is it possible that the world can be so beautiful and broken at the same time?

So if you wake up one morning and it's a particularly beautiful day, you'll
know we made it. Okay, I'm signing out. -Robert Capa

My friends are the best.

And the above statement is said with as much meaning as you could possibly squeeze into five small words. Old and new friends, close friends and simple acquaintances, whatever they are, I love them all dearly. I have my best friends, Jess, Jenna, Jo, and Carter, who are always there when I need them, and I can truly be myself around. I have my group of friends at school, Maggie, Amanda, Casey, Clay, David, Thomas, Mitchell, and a ton of other people, who I can always fall back on. They're always there to lift me up when I'm falling. My friends at church, Wyatt, Genna, Abby, and several others, who I can be honest with, and just feel safe always. New friends, Jordan, Tito, Joey, that I'm growing relationships with, who can always make me smile. I think people take their friendships for granted. Talking about people behind their backs, or just treating people badly. Friends are people who take risks, make sacrifices, to maybe help you become a better person. I find loyalty between friends to be decreasing a lot. I'm the kind of friend who looks past the wrong people do, no matter what people tell me. I'm always there for my friends, no matter how badly they've treated me. I'm blind to people's flaws, and that can be a good thing or a bad thing. I'm not sure which it's working out to be for me, but I guess I'll find out in the end.

Tell your friends you love them- they probably don't hear it enough.

Nothing.

I have nothing to write about. For some reason, I'm only seeing things from my side. I've collapsed into a selfish person, and I can't get out of it. I'm inconsiderate to my friends and family, and I only care about myself. I barely take time to listen anymore.

Therefore, I can't think. If I do, it's dwelling on or worrying about things. The world to me right now is just...the world. Nothing more, nothing less. It's like life has lost it's meaning to me for some reason. It's frustrating. I don't feel wise or insightful anymore. I'm even getting burnt out on music. Granted, I still enjoy picking up my guitar, but I feel restricted...like I'm stuck in a rut with it. I'm not inspired to draw, write, or do anything. And it sucks. I'm a prisoner right now, and I can't seem to find the key to unlock the cell.

Well, turns out I found something to write about after all.

My Air

Music.

Yes, it's kind of a cliché thing to talk about and get all philosophical with, but at the same time, how can you not? Because when you really think about it, music is so much more than notes with a rhythm. I love how the movie August Rush puts it. 'God's little reminder that there's something else besides us in this universe, a harmonic connection between all living beings, every where, even the stars.'

It's an expression of feeling, personality, belief, opinion, stories. It can save your life. It can change your life. It affects everything. A scene in a movie can dramatically change if music or added, or even if the music already there is changed.

It doesn't even have to have melody. Everything in every day has music to it. Everything has a beat, a rhythm.

And there are so many different ways to create it. Singing, instruments, or just pounding on an empty trash can. And there are all the intstruments! Guitar, piano, mandolin, flute, cello, trumpet, sax, xylophone, drums, harp, harmonica, accordian, violin, bass.

Music is like air to me. With out it, it'd be really hard to survive. It fills a part of me than cannot be filled by anything else.

The music is all around you, all you have to do is listen. -August Rush