This is me.

So, this is still blowing my mind. Tonight, I was told in a small group I'm in through my youth group that I look least like the typical person who was in the youth ministry. So...I had a unique look about me. It wasn't meant as an insult, and I didn't take it that way. It just blows my mind that my individuality actually shows through. I feel all the time like I'm stuck in the mold of rich, white kids, but I've realized I'm not. This is how I work.

I don't dress to impress. I dress in whatever way makes me feel comfortable and content with myself. If people don't like it, they can deal with it. I don't try to be something, I'm just me. And it's nice knowing that people notice that about me. I've struggled with becoming who I am now, and I think it's paid off.

Besides, the only labels that should exist are the ones on canned food.

Sunshine

It's a movie that has changed me. Yeah, it's kind of extreme for a movie, but it has. First, if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. It's so aesthetically pleasing.

Anyway, so this is how it's changed me. Normally, I love cloudy, rainy days, and hate sunny, clear days. It's hard to get past the soothing sounds of rain against the roof, and just hear the thunder roar. It always gives me chills. But somehow, Sunshine has managed to make me love the sun. I was walking toward the school's stadium to watch my friends' lacrosse game, and the sun was shining on my back, and it was one of those beautiful sunsets. And I found myself whispering, 'They did it.', to myself. I look at the sun, and I breathe. I feel alive. So now I love all weather basically. How is it possible that the world can be so beautiful and broken at the same time?

So if you wake up one morning and it's a particularly beautiful day, you'll
know we made it. Okay, I'm signing out. -Robert Capa

My friends are the best.

And the above statement is said with as much meaning as you could possibly squeeze into five small words. Old and new friends, close friends and simple acquaintances, whatever they are, I love them all dearly. I have my best friends, Jess, Jenna, Jo, and Carter, who are always there when I need them, and I can truly be myself around. I have my group of friends at school, Maggie, Amanda, Casey, Clay, David, Thomas, Mitchell, and a ton of other people, who I can always fall back on. They're always there to lift me up when I'm falling. My friends at church, Wyatt, Genna, Abby, and several others, who I can be honest with, and just feel safe always. New friends, Jordan, Tito, Joey, that I'm growing relationships with, who can always make me smile. I think people take their friendships for granted. Talking about people behind their backs, or just treating people badly. Friends are people who take risks, make sacrifices, to maybe help you become a better person. I find loyalty between friends to be decreasing a lot. I'm the kind of friend who looks past the wrong people do, no matter what people tell me. I'm always there for my friends, no matter how badly they've treated me. I'm blind to people's flaws, and that can be a good thing or a bad thing. I'm not sure which it's working out to be for me, but I guess I'll find out in the end.

Tell your friends you love them- they probably don't hear it enough.

Nothing.

I have nothing to write about. For some reason, I'm only seeing things from my side. I've collapsed into a selfish person, and I can't get out of it. I'm inconsiderate to my friends and family, and I only care about myself. I barely take time to listen anymore.

Therefore, I can't think. If I do, it's dwelling on or worrying about things. The world to me right now is just...the world. Nothing more, nothing less. It's like life has lost it's meaning to me for some reason. It's frustrating. I don't feel wise or insightful anymore. I'm even getting burnt out on music. Granted, I still enjoy picking up my guitar, but I feel restricted...like I'm stuck in a rut with it. I'm not inspired to draw, write, or do anything. And it sucks. I'm a prisoner right now, and I can't seem to find the key to unlock the cell.

Well, turns out I found something to write about after all.

My Air

Music.

Yes, it's kind of a cliché thing to talk about and get all philosophical with, but at the same time, how can you not? Because when you really think about it, music is so much more than notes with a rhythm. I love how the movie August Rush puts it. 'God's little reminder that there's something else besides us in this universe, a harmonic connection between all living beings, every where, even the stars.'

It's an expression of feeling, personality, belief, opinion, stories. It can save your life. It can change your life. It affects everything. A scene in a movie can dramatically change if music or added, or even if the music already there is changed.

It doesn't even have to have melody. Everything in every day has music to it. Everything has a beat, a rhythm.

And there are so many different ways to create it. Singing, instruments, or just pounding on an empty trash can. And there are all the intstruments! Guitar, piano, mandolin, flute, cello, trumpet, sax, xylophone, drums, harp, harmonica, accordian, violin, bass.

Music is like air to me. With out it, it'd be really hard to survive. It fills a part of me than cannot be filled by anything else.

The music is all around you, all you have to do is listen. -August Rush

Love

Okay, so this was really interesting to me. I decided to look up the definition of love, and this is what I found on dictionary.com:

–noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.
8. (initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12. the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
13. Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.
14. a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.
–verb (used with object)
15. to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
16. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
17. to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
18. to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
19. to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.
20. to have sexual intercourse with.

Now granted, these are all pretty good definitions. But how can you define something that is basically...indefinable? I think there's so much more to love than just affection or a 'warm feeling'. Love is sacrificing. Giving of yourself to another person. It's more than just a feeling. It's a choice. You may have affection for someone, but love is a whole different level of affection. Love isn't just romance either. You can truly love your friends just like you can truly love your spouse. It's just different versions of a love that is whole and complete. You honestly can't define it. It's like trying to make a plant talk to you.

On another note, I am getting frustrated with people talking crap about other people behind their backs. How can I trust friends if they aren't loyal to others?

Maybe I'm overthinking this.

This. Is. Awesome.

You know what I love? When there's crap that should bring me down, but doesn't. I have had such a great day today!

• Got caught up some more in German.
• Finished my not-done algebra homework before the end of class.
• Pretty sure I did well on my test in that class too.
• Woke up to lovely warm weather and NO SNOW!!!
• Had a wonderful lunch talking to Jenna. I even stopped eating before I was stuffed!
• Chemistry was extremely easy today.
• Got to go to the midnight premiere of WATCHMEN!!!
• Met some really cool guys.
• Got some more entries for the journal.

And to top it all off, I got a gigantic Rice Krispie's Treat!

What seriously rules though is even though we had a partially evil sub in German, my chem teacher was in a bad mood, my mom was moaning and groaning about people, the dog got into my room, and I spent all my money for lunch, I'm still in a terrific mood.

Great day so far, and I get to hang out with Jo and Carter tonight! Plus more fun planned for this weekend. I love life. Oh, and you need to go see Watchmen. But, you should definitely read the book first. You'll appreciate the movie a bit more.

I need to get into night photography...