I recently returned from a nine-day trip to Germany and Austria. It was one of the most amazing trips I have ever taken. The timing of the trip was perfect, too.
I previously mentioned how I had been itching to go somewhere - to explore. I just wanted to get away from Lenexa. Germany and Austria are definitely away. Now that I'm back, though, I'm even more unsatisfied with where I am. I got a taste of something different. I liked the taste, and now I want more.
First of all, Germany is gorgeous. The Alps provide a scenic background when the fog around them clears, and driving from city to city on the Autobahn isn't an eyesore. The cities themselves are even enjoyable to look at. The architecture of the buildings is very appealing to the eyes and doesn't have the stale, cookie-cutter look to it. Not to mention the breath-taking design of the cathedrals and churches: Baroque, Gothic, Romanesque, to name a few styles. Apart from the buildings, everything just feels cleaner in general. Munich is one of the cleanest cities I have seen. I never saw piles of litter, the air felt fresh, and it just seemed much more youthful and alive. Santa Monica used to be my favorite city, but Munich took it's place within a few hours of my arrival.
I think what's so enticing about Munich is how small it feels, despite it's population of over 1.3 million. We were able to walk everywhere that we needed to go, only taking the subway occasionally. I got to actually see and experience the city and be submerged into it rather than watching it all whiz by through a car window. My parents disliked the hotel room we had, but I loved it. the entire room was slightly bigger than my bedroom, but it was big enough for three people. How awesome is that? I think I'm someone who needs a smaller living space. I have too much room and no clue what to do with it. I'd say about 80 percent of the things in my room I touch, at most, once a year. I have this excess of possessions - this clutter.
I find it interesting that I'm drawn to a smaller personal living space, considering that I hate small towns. Maybe I enjoy the simplicity of my own personal space, while at the same time I want to have the ability to plunge myself into something bigger. It's like accessing a bigger world through a small door.
This has also made me begin to re-think my desire for a family. This might be my irrational fear of commitment, but I highly value my independence. I enjoy coming home when my family is all out and being able to have time and space to myself. If I had a family - even just a husband - finding that space would take more effort. Sure, it's lazy, but it's also what makes me happy. Even though Katharine Cook Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers pegged me as 89% extroverted, I can only be around people for so long. Eventually, their incessant whining and taking life for granted gets on my nerves too much, and I need to retreat.
So, this is what I desire for my future. Maybe it's just post-Germany excitement, but it's a reality of myself.
I want to live in Germany for at least a year when I'm done. Not sure if/how that would be accomplished, but it's always possible.
I want to wait until my mid-thirties to get married/have kids.
I want to find a small, modest space that I can afford and call home.
I want to explore more of the world around me and see what it has to offer.
This is probably just a the-world-is-my-oyster approach of a soon to be 19-year-old, but at least I have something to work towards. I have goals, aspirations, a direction. I know what I want, and I'm going to work towards it unless I find something that could make me happier instead. Yes, I'll probably change my mind, but I can't go through life not committing to any dreams just because they might change. That would eliminate every ounce of hope from my life, and I don't plan on living life that way.
Look at what you did, Munich - you stole my heart and changed my dreams.
