So about 3-4 months ago, I was unable to open up to my mom and share my faith with her. I would always go to my friends and share whatever awesome faith thing that happened to me. Then tonight happened.
I was discussing a question with my friend, Connor, that had been asked at youth group the week I wasn't there. We start talking, and then other people want to know what we're talking about. So I reply, "Youth group, you guys won't care."
Instead of a no-we-actually-do-care response (Which I foolishly hoped for.) or a oh-okay-we'll-just-let-you-carry-on-then response, I have people who I thought I could open up to scoffing at me and making snide little comments. The person who I have called my best friend since 3rd grade was among those people.
Suddenly, I realized that these people do not love me for who I am. If I can't share something, such as my faith, with them without fear of being ridiculed, then what kind of relationships do I have with these people? Am I going to be able to rely on them while my grammy makes one of the toughest decisions in her life? Will they be there for me when some other shit hits the fan, and I need someone who will just be there and love me as a person? I mean, what are these "friendships" based on? Jokes about sex, making fun of other people, and bad-mouthing people who we act friendly towards when we're around them?
These shallow relationships are not what I want, nor need, in my life. Why are they so afraid to have a conversation that's deeper than, "I want to make out with you, haha, not really, oh my god, you're fat."?
Why is it that suddenly my mom's heart has opened up while the hearts of the people I surround myself with have suddenly closed?
Dear "friends", stop being fake to my face, and kill this relationship we have if you truly do not want it.
